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The kids have a plan to destroy me.

This is IT!  I am SOOOO over not getting anything done.  I try desperately to clean, organize and avoid getting puked on (seriously, you have no idea, I have moved from a small burp cloth to a full-blown oversized towel and this kid still finds a way to avoid it at all costs) and yet, at the end of the day, I have repeatedly told my husband ~ he should just be happy we are all alive.

The kids have a plan to destroy me…..ok maybe that’s a bit strong, let’s say I am pretty sure there is a nightly meeting of the minds in the baby’s room.  I envision them with clipboards, flashlights and army men reviewing their plan of attack during the 4 hours I get to sleep every night.  I try to catch them in the act but every time I get up they are all fake sleeping in their beds.  The big guy (my husband) calls me paranoid, I think I am going to install a nanny cam in Mr. TD bear and prove him wrong.  The kids ~ The Little Guy (7YO), The Princess (5YO), The Destroyer (3YO) and Itty Bitty (7 months).

Case in point….it is EXTREMELY early, I got up early to workout (first day and all) and get this started (the blog idea) and so far I have been interrupted to do the following:

  1. Give the destroyer a shower (@5:30AM, she states she is sick and this would make her feel better and coughs for effect, I think this one got the AM shift)
  2. Choose an outfit that is Ok for the destroyer to wear.  IE this means, a summer floral dress, soccer socks to the knee, dress up heels and enough accessories to make Mr. T proud
  3. Asked to decide if I like Peekachu better than Strawberry Shortcake b/c the destroyer does and wants my opinion
  4. Asked to supply the destroyer and the princess with grapes b/c they are STARVING (it is not quite 6 AM)
  5.  The little guys asks to listen to my iPod Shuffle
  6. The princess asks to join in and listen to the iPod Shuffle
  7. The princess re-enters upset b/c the little guy will not allow her to listen to the shuffle in the ear she wants, and she does not feel “comfortable” (she actually did the air quotes)  using her other ear for the music
  8. The little guy enters and clearly states his case that he is only following the letters on the earphones and he is using the R (right) so she will have to use the L (left).  When I asked if it really mattered I was told, “Obviously mom!  Why else would they take all the time to label the ear phones….maybe her head will explode if she uses it the wrong way.”
  9. The princess begins to cry b/c she didn’t want to tell me but she actually did use them the wrong way but just for a little bit
  10. The destroyer re-enters with Peekachu singing and asking the little guy and the princess for their thoughts

I have finally had enough and read the kids the beginning of the blog, they laugh out loud and the little guys says, ” Mom all you had to do was ask for some privacy.”  and with that they are out of the office.  SERIOUSLY!?

I don’t want to be mean, but I’ve decided that Itty bitty is my favorite today (the only child who has not interrupted me so far).  Not that it’s a contest, I’m just sayin…

Ok so where was I….see I can’t even remember what the point of the blog post was…and that’s the problem.  I can’t seem to finish a thought, or get anything done here.  Here are my issues:

  1. The house is always a mess, I can’t seem to keep up
  2. We are not organized ( I think I need a professional here STAT!)
  3. The kitchen scares me (So far this year I’ve set the fire alarms off while heating up a frozen pizza and melting a teapot on the stove while boiling water ~ Don’t you dare judge me!)
  4. I am overweight, which is HYSTERICAL…you know b/c of #3, you would think since I can’t use the oven or the stove this wouldn’t be an issue….I’m an overachiever
  5. I’ve started redecorating the house…..you know b/c I have 1-4 under control!
  6. I have no idea how to accomplish any of the above…..I am usually paralyzed with indecision…that or when things start to get hard I get pregnant, either one you decide

Ok so here’s my plan, I am going to create a list of things I want to accomplish in the next 100 days.  Some are big things (go on a date with the big guy ~ seriously, it has been a l-o-n-g time) and some small things (avoid puke for an entire day) but at the end of the 100 days, I hope to be able to finish the list and feel like this year of my life didn’t just pass me by and I was able to get something DONE ~ and the blog will be PROOF for future generations that years ago, I actually got something done, in case there is ever a question.

I’ll write the list later (you know when they nap…pause for hysterical laughter) but for now my goals for today are:

  1. Get everyone to the doctor’s office and back without killing anyone (Itty bitty has an appointment so we all have to go, should be fun.)
  2. Work out (I already did this but didn’t want to brag with it being #1) ~ struggled to almost died doing 2 miles in the treadmill…see #4
  3. Clean out the fridge…I am pretty sure the big guy will fall over when he gets home if I do this…..maybe I’ll get the nanny cam for this, possible funniest home video submission…no one says you can’t get organized and earn $ at the same time see #3 and #2
  4. Go on Pintrest ~ terrible addiction, I love it the big guy is hoping there will be some sort of patch I can wear to wean myself off but until then ~ and find a project to do….Ok let’s face it finding a project is not the problem, it’s doing the project….REVISED….find a project that can be completed this week……no pressure or anything.

Ok wish me luck……I’m a bit terrified…..

Colleen

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